


But Not Because We're Gay

by klaviergavout



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Developing Friendships, Eventual Romance, I love these kids, Multi, basically everything these guys all deserved in the musical, this has no defined update schedule but it'll be Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-19 20:11:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10647204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klaviergavout/pseuds/klaviergavout
Summary: Evan knew he wouldn't have joined the GSA if Jared Kleinman hadn't kept nagging him to. That was for sure.Then again, he hadn't counted on the whole 'falling in love' part.





	1. Chapter 1

Evan Hansen hardly remembered the first time he had heard about his school's GSA. It had probably been at the start of some class or assembly he'd been too distracted to focus on, and it had probably been recieved with as much appraisal as would have been a serial killing. From what he knew about the sorts of people he was forced to partner with on a day-to-day basis, he suspected that the same sorts of people would be the ones to completely ruin the GSA meetings, shouting homophobic comments and insults at such a volume that everyone in the hallway would come rushing to see what was the matter, and then they'd _break down the door and--_

No, that wasn't going to happen.

Evan took a deep breath and shut his eyes tight, one hand clutching his chest, and the other inches away from the doorknob.

It was all Jared's fault, it really was. If only his so-called 'family friend' hadn't nagged him constantly about joining the GSA, about what a shame it was that he wasn't there, about how his old crush Zoe was there and how she'd love to see him, about how much fun they'd have, then he _never_ would have gone. He just wished he could get it through Jared's head that he wasn't out to anyone else- that, coupled with the crushing anxiety of having to _speak_ about a part of himself that he _still_ wasn't fully comfortable with, made the whole idea seem far too much for him.

He had a feeling, though, deep down in his chest, that Jared Kleinman had been right for once. This could be his chance, his one perceivable chance, to speak and listen and let everything out, and have someone _understand._ Maybe, though he didn't count upon it, it could help him understand himself, too.

No question about it, the possibilities of terrible things happening to him behind that door were endless, and his fingers were twitching mere inches away, but maybe something good could happen there too--

He opened the door.

"JARED, WHAT THE _HELL?"_

"C'mon, Zoe, this is the _G-S-A!_ Everyone's gonna think we're straight if we don't do something about it! You're gay too, Connor, why the hell are _you_ so pissed--"

"People like you make us look like a fucking _joke,_ Jared. Why the hell do I even come here any more?"

"Wow, calm your tits, Murphy."

"He definitely doesn't come here for _me,_ that's for sure."

"Shut up, sis, really? No one asked for your opinion."

"They didn't _need_ to, Connor, I wanted to _speak._ "

"No, no, everyone, please, can we all just please calm down--"

Three people were sat in a large circle of chairs, most of which were empty. Zoe Murphy had crossed her arms, clearly irritated; some hoodie-clad boy he didn't know was glaring at a wall on the other side of the room, loudly tapping his foot; and the class president, whose name escaped him, was desperately trying her best to play the middle man. It was not without a feeling of deep resignation that Evan recognised Jared Kleinman standing behind Alana, glitter all over his rosy face and arms, clutching a bag of metallic sequins in one hand. Most of the sequins, he noticed, had evidently been thrown across both the people and the floor.

Evan wanted to run, wanted to run far away from them all and never have to worry about social interaction ever again, but he couldn't. The tension was painful, unbearable even, and he swore his nerves would kill him if the others didn't notice him soon. Before he could fully process the pros and cons of the situation, he coughed, very loudly and very hoarsely, to get their attention. This, he soon realised, was a terrible mistake on his behalf.

All at once, four heads whipped round to face him, and it was _terrifying._ Zoe smiled weakly and waved at him, Jared's grin threatened to split his face in two, the class president gasped and started rummaging about in her bag at lightning speed-  
  
The boy with the hoodie just stared, stared at him with tired, sad and reddened eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short opening chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Planning for this is really fun, but because of upcoming GCSE exams, this may update at a very unpredictable rate. Bear with me, guys.
> 
> (If I ever get anything seriously wrong about a GSA through the course of the fic, let me know! The closest I've had here in the UK was an 'LGBT club', which I don't think was too far off, but hey. Most of you guys probably know much better than me.)


	2. Chapter 2

It was one of the most uncomfortable feelings he'd ever had. Sure, he'd been faced with much more than just four staring people in his life, but he tended to avoid as many of his problems as possible- there was no way out of this situation, however, unless he left _right now_ , backed away through that door and never spoke to any of those people again. But if he did leave, then the others would be upset, then Jared would get mad at him, say bad stuff about him to his more popular friends, spread rumours, and he'd be so fucking dead the next morning... yes, he was definitely feeling uncomfortable, and definitely beginning to panic.

"I-I, uh, I'm just gonna _leave?_ " Evan took a quick step back, looking nervously at Jared's face all the while. "If that's, okay, I mean, I don't want to intrude, you're all obviously _very_ busy and--"

"No no no, wait!"

It was the class president, holding out a flyer with desperate hands, and she had the most broken look on her face that he'd ever seen. Taking the flyer slowly from her, he gave it a quick skim read- the title blared _ **JOIN THE GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCE TODAY!**_ , the flyer itself explained several things about the group, and in the middle was a large group photo. Evan noticed that there were a lot more people in that photo than there were left in the classroom, and a wave of relief washed over him. At least he'd missed the worst of it.

"I'm Alana Beck, leader of whatever we're calling this mess," she began, shooting an icy glare back at Jared. "You've probably come here for the _official_ GSA, but that, well, disbanded a few weeks ago. People just didn't bother coming any more, and that led to more and more people leaving, and we're what's left."

Everyone nodded.

"As you can see, we're trying to make the most of our time together--" and she gestured to the sequins, Jared offering up a sheepish grin, "-- but with _you_ here, someone new, we could start things up again, be an actual club again--"

She cut herself off in her excitement, looking at Evan with stars in her eyes, and he's so touched that he almost walks over and sits down on one of the chairs- but of course, he doesn't, he just ends up staring blankly back at her and not being sure what exactly to do.

"Come on, Evan, it'll be fun." It was Zoe's turn to speak, now, and Evan promptly decided he preferred her much more to the class president. Something about her always seemed to calm him down, if the definition of 'calm' was still only steps away from full-on panic. "We don't bite- well, at least, _most_ of us don't."

"Shut it, Zo."   
  
Suprisingly, the boy with the hoodie didn't bother returning the glare his sister was giving him. Instead, he tilted his head upward, deep gaze following up and straight into Evan's eyes.

"So are you staying or what?"

* * *

"Oh my god. Oh my _god,_ I made a _complete_ fool of myself in there, I stood in the doorway and just-- just _stared_ at all of them, even Zoe, I was hardly even able to tell them my own name. I didn't even _sit down!_ "

After the first GSA meeting had concluded (if what that had been could have even been called a meeting), Evan had attempted to rush off to his next class and wallow in his own embarrassment-- but, as always, life just _had_  to ruin things for him. Being dragged by the arm into the boys' bathroom by a grinning Jared Kleiman, he had soon found out, hurt much more than he could have ever imagined.

"Yeah, dude, you didn't even sit down and you had _Connor Murphy_ drooling!" Jared burst into a fit of giggles, clapping Evan on the shoulder with vigour. " _God,_ I've never seen him look that way at anyone before. Good job, Evan, he hates the whole world but he has the hots for you..."

"He does _not._ " Splashing some water into his reddened face, Evan frowned. _Connor Murphy. So that's his name._ "No one in their right mind would have a crush on me anyways. Did you-- did you see me back there? I was a _mess._ "

"Yeah, a _hot_ mess--"

"Shut _up_."

Leaning casually against the sinks, Jared snickered under his breath. "So, are you coming back? To the GSA, I mean."

"No _way_ am I coming back after that. You can keep your silly little club and I'll just--"

"Miss the chance on finally getting some action? Or, I don't know, some decent friends?"

The ensuing silence was only broken by the blaring whirr of the hand dryer.

"C'mon, Evan, at least _one_ more session! Alana said she'd start making things serious again, and Connor will be there, and me and Zoe actually know you so you won't be completely isolated. And if you _really_ don't want to stay, why did you even bother coming in the first place?"

_I don't know, Jared, maybe I wanted someone to actually make an effort to understand me for once?_

Swallowing nervously, Evan began to formulate some sort of good excuse that was any better than the truth.   
  
"I was scared you'd be mad at me."

Yes, It was partially true, but still Jared refused to buy it.

"That's _bullshit_ , Evan, you know me. Family friends, remember? I couldn't have cared less if you really didn't show up. But now you _have_ showed up, and everyone likes you, and Connor Murphy just looked at you like you're that secret weed stash his dad hasn't found yet- so, yes, I'm going to be _really_ fucking pissed if you give up an opportunity like this, Evan Hansen."

Evan paused for thought, but let out at last a defeated sigh. "OK, Jared, I'll-- I'll come. It might help me. I don't know."

Jared beamed.

"Just make sure you actually sit down next time. Like, standing in the doorway, that was pretty damn sad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys, thank you for all your feedback on the first chapter! I definitely didn't expect to get so much support for this fic, and I'm super excited to see your reactions as things progress in the story. All the information about GSA's were really helpful, too- although, this particular GSA's been whittled down to more of a GA instead, because all the allies have left and no one else of the remaining five is straight. Whoops.
> 
> But that's not to say that there'll just be these five forever! We'll have to see ;)
> 
> Time is definitely not on my side at the moment in terms of updating, I've got a lot of revision to do. But don't worry! I really do want to carry this on, it's so fun to write.


End file.
